“ He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord, A Poor man pleads for mercy, but a rich man answers harshly. A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (-verses 22-24)
In their book, Proverbs: Living Wisely, Loving Well, Alicia and Eric Porterfield share the following: Proverbs 18:22-24 belongs to what is known as the “Royal Collection” of the first Solomonic Collection. This section has the most sayings about God and king. Like the rest of the ancient Near East, Israel had a strong connection between God and king, but Israel’s connection is based on a unique covenantal relationship with their God, a relationship embodied in the king especially set apart to lead God’s people (2 Sam 5:2-3).
But despite the “royal” name, this section includes some earthly, practical advice that could be applied in the fields and by the fireplace as well as the palace courts. Verses 22-24, joined here as a group, fall into this category of practical advice, focusing on the need for good partnerships. The first verse deals with marriage, the second with the larger community relationship between rich and poor, and the final with friendships, but all three highlight the necessity of loyalty and constancy.
Verse 22 equates finding a “good wife” with “favor from the Lord.” In other places in Proverbs, examples of “bad wives” are mentioned in (19:13), but here a good wife is lauded as a “good thing.” In Israel’s kinship-based society, a good marriage partnership could be essential, since offspring and their well-being were paramount for the family’s survival and prosperity. A good wife is a blessing, this verse reminds us, a good marriage is a gift from God.
On the tail of this verse about a good wife, v. 23 asserts that the “poor use entreaties, but the rich answer roughly.” In contrast to the good marriage just mentioned, there is not gift of faithful partnership here. The poor are on their own, forced to try to be their own advocates from a place of societal weakness. They entreat, but the rich, those with power, reject these entreaties “roughly.” Instead of a warm hearthside image, this verse portrays the loneliness of the poor who have no one to partner them, no one to advocate for them.
Verse 24 combines both the images of a good partnership in a “true friend” and a bad partnership in those who “play at friendship.” Most of us can identify some fair-weather friend who has abandoned us in a time of need. When I worked on the oncology section of a hospital, I often heard the grief of cancer patients who had, to their chagrin and pain, found out who their true friends were after their diagnosis. Many “good time” friends could not handle the weight and struggle of walking through a life-threatening illness with a friend; others stuck “closer than one’s nearest kin,” providing childcare, meals, companionship, and prayers for the long haul.
Notably, the “friends who play at friendship” are plural, while “a true friend” is singular. The implication may be that true friends tend to be much rarer that the “playing friends” kind. Again, a faithful friend is a gift from God, a mutually supportive partnership to be cherished like a good wife, like an advocate when one is in need, as the poor are.
Eric and Alicia Porterfield